


Icarus Laughed

by elm_netherghast



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Character Death, Character Study, DreamSMP: Doomsday Era, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, President Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo is Tubbo's little brother figure, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, THIS IS THE CHARCTERS NOT THE CCS, The author is projecting just a bit, Toby Smith | Tubbo and Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Unreliable Narrator, im not joking about the suicide tags if thats a trigger dont read this, no beta we die like l'manburg, no happy ending, o7 L'manburg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29482620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elm_netherghast/pseuds/elm_netherghast
Summary: Tubbo was so done with the world. With lessons taught in violence, that he had long already learnt. Maybe as his last moments happened the wings of a father that never loved him would embrace him as fell. Down, down, down the remains of country that was never meant to be. Our L'Manburg was always dommed to end like this, but did it have to take all three Presidents with it?
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Technoblade, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot
Comments: 7
Kudos: 133





	Icarus Laughed

**Author's Note:**

> Last warning encase you missed the tags but this fic is about suicide and involves a character killing themselves in a fair amount of detail.  
> SUICIDE PREVENTION https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/  
> THIS IS ABOUT THE CHARATERS POTRAYED DURING RP BY MEMEBERS OF THE DREAM SMP NOT THE CONTENT CREATORS THEMSELVES  
> This idea has been rattling around my brain for a hot second, so I finally put it into the world! I would say enjoy but its an angst fic.

Tubbo stood at the edge of the creator that was L'Manburg ~~AGAIN~~ and wondered at what point had L'Manburg's end become inevitable, he didn't know (He knew, Tubbo knew when Wilbur trusted him with L'Manburg that's when). The obsidian grid that housed the machines of destruction that had broken his country, still loomed ominously over it's shattered remains. Tubbo stood close to the edge, too close for most people's comfort but what did his life matter anymore. The soul-crushing experience that had been Tubbo's life weighed down on him more and more as the trauma piled up, he wondered if falling would feel like flying, that when he took matters into his own hands it would be as freeing as he thought it would.

Everything was done perfectly. Tubbo had written his note with directions to a pile of letters for his family included, put it in a place easily found place and all that was left was to jump but the sun was rising, and he wanted to admire the view from where his once beautiful country used to be. As he stood watching his last sun rise Tubbo thought on what he had written for his family. 

To Tommy his dear younger brother, he had written that it wasn't his fault. That nothing could have changed his mind, that he loved him so so much. He apologised for everything and nothing all at once but mostly for being so selfish as to do this, for being yet another person Tommy couldn't rely on. His letters forgives his brother who means so much to him of anything he had ever done wrong that could make him feel the guilt of his death.

To Ranboo his other younger brother, he told him wasn't Ranboo's fault that just like Tommy he could not change Tubbo's mind. Tubbo thanked him for staying in L'Manburg, for being there for Tommy when he couldn't and being the best minute man he could have ever had or hoped for. He confesses how much the younger means to him, calls him brother for the first time and saying how much he loves him. He forgive Ranboo of his alleged betrayal and tells him, his memory is not his fault. Tubbo tells the brother he was too much of a coward claim as his brother to stay with Tommy. Begs them both to keep each other safe. 

Tubbo wants people to feel guilty about his death just not other kids who are already dealing with so much guilt. He won't have the children ( ~~he was a kid too once~~ ) he swore to protect burden like that. (It won't work they will still feel that awful, awful guilt) 

To Technoblade he asks, was it worth it? Is Tubbo's life still worth less than Techno's political ideologies? Is helping drive Tubbo to suicide worth it? Does it make him powerful like he always wanted, does it make him feel alive? Tubbo knows it will make Techno guilty but it's only the truth and if Tubbo feels like making his death spiteful that's his choice, just like his death. Maybe just maybe Techno will learn that he is not a God and does not get to decide for everyone without consequences. Would Tubbo's suicide push Techno to be better or break him further? He just doesn't care anymore.

To Phil, he gives his anger. His anger with the world, life, what happened but most importantly with Phil. Tubbo in his letter breaks down his repressed rage at him and Tommy always being chosen last, ignored in favour of Techno. About how angry he was that Wilbur was more of a Dad than Phil ever was, that Phil had killed Wilbur while claiming it to be the best thing only to do the same things he killed Wilbur for. He tells Phil he was tempted to do the same as Wilbur to beg someone to kill him, maybe even him to rub the salt into the wound. In the end he begs Phil to be a better Dad, to not let his children's mental health to fall apart like his and Wilbur's did, to learn from what happened.

To Ghost( ~~Wi~~ l)bur he gives his thanks and his worries about what happens after death. He thanks Ghostbur for being his Dad when he was alive, for caring about when Tubbo scraped his knees or just wanted to ramble about bees and how much he loves them. He asks if dying hurts or is it as easy as closing your eyes and never waking up again? What has to happen for you to become a ghost? Tubbo knows he will not be alive if or when he gets his answers. Tubbo has more questions but only Alivebur can answer those so he doesn't bother to ask.

The sun cresses over the hill. 

Tubbo has watched his last sun rise, deep in thought just like how he always watched them. His Presidential attire that he has barley taken off since he got it is charred, just like L'Manburg. Tubbo thinks it is fitting. As he steps closer to the edge, he thinks of Icarus and it makes him laugh. Tubbo supposes in a way he too is trying to fly. Trying to be like father that would never pick him. Soon L'Manburg's last President will be dead just like the nation that was never meant to be.

The adrenaline gets his blood pumping and Tubbo knows from experience the best part of dying is feeling alive right before you aren't. 

He turns from staring into the creator.

He takes a few steeps back form the edge.

He sprits at the edge of the cliff and...

Tubbo jumps.

L'Manburg's curse did not make an exception for it's teenaged President. 

He laughs, Tubbo laughs he feels free, the wind whipping past him as his end comes nearer he feels like he is flying.

"Here is what they don't tell you:

Icarus laughed as he fell.  
Threw his head back and  
yelled into the winds,  
arms spread wide,  
teeth bared to the world.

(There is a bitter triumph  
in crashing  
when you should be  
soaring.)

The wax scorched his skin,  
ran blazing trails down his back,  
his thighs, his ankles, his feet.  
Feathers floated like prayers  
past his fingers,  
close enough to snatch back.  
Death breathed burning kisses  
against his shoulders,  
where the wings joined the harness.  
The sun painted everything  
in shades of gold.

(There is a certain beauty  
in setting the world on fire  
and watching from the center  
of the flames.)"

Tubbo_ hit the ground too hard.

**Author's Note:**

> Poem credit: https://wearealsoboats.tumblr.com/post/51761202038  
> This took a few hours to perfect and write up! Feel free to scream in the comments I almost made myself cry writing it.


End file.
